Celibacy and stuff.

Thanks for your . . . supportive? . . . response. Incidentally, I was celibate for seven years, between my first and my current relationship. In my male persona, I made myself out to be much more experienced than I really am. The truth is, it's been a pretty chaste life for me, too, overall.

It's not celibacy that scares me; it's being alone.

Being a transsexual isn't like being gay. It's not a sex thing. It's a life thing. It's about having an outside that matches, as much as possible, how one feels on the inside. It is not so much about having breasts and a vagina (although that is certaintly desired), so much as being able to live, work, and socialize in the gender one feels oneself to be. Like I said to Ipomea, I should be pretty content before the genital surgery even happens, if enough changes can be made to my appearance that I "pass" as female.

If transsexualism was purely a sex thing, it would transpire something like this:

Male becomes homosexual -- Decides that isn't enough -- Wants a vagina -- Starts transition.

Instead, it usually occurs more like this:

Male spends life attempting to enjoy/fit in as a man -- Hates every minute of it (suicide optional) -- Retreats from society -- Male starts dressing as female in private -- Feels good, until it's time to return to male mode -- Feels bad about body beneath clothes and makeup -- Insulted when called "Sir" or "Dude" -- Left out of female society, bored with male society -- Etc. Etc. -- Much angst and soul-searching -- Starts transition.

"I can't help but realize that you are only in your twenties, what happens in twenty years time?"

I have less than four months remaining in my twenties! As for what happens in twenty years' time -- I know transsexuals in their fifties, and some have transitioned as late as (I kid you not) eighty. It DOESN'T . . . I repeat . . . DOES NOT go away. If I thought I could "cure" myself, I would still be trying, as I tried from ages 8 - 25.

A famous talk-show doctor known as Dr. Drew (Pinsky) likes to say something to the effect of: 'Whether this is a result of biology, or of upbringing, these things get sort of "hard-wired" into the brain.' And I have certaintly tried to change my brain! I took antipsychotics for four years. They made me too lazy to contemplate transition, but they didn't really make me "feel" much better!

Best Wishes,