This is one of many that I have access to through the Institute For Rational Living, And I DO have permission to use in 'not' for profit passing it on.

Self-interest? That's doing some- thing for me. Correct! That's selfish. Wrong! Self-interest does not mean selfish,' but unfortunately for many of us, these two attributes get lumped together in our minds, stirred around, and come out the same -selfish.

Good old Webster can help us make the distinction. His dictionary describes self-interested as arising from a concern for one's own advantage and well-being. The definition of selfish runs slightly longer: "arising from a concern for one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others." In disregard of others -a big distinction. For we can regard others, feel concern for others' feelings and welfare, yet still feel concern and act upon that concern for our own welfare. For instance, while I do feel concern for my husband's feelings and welfare, at times what I want might lead to discomfort on his part. If I go ahead and pursue what I want, I would do so despite my concern for him rather than out of lack of concern. I would act self-interestedly, not selfishly.

Does that sound like rationalization? Yes -if I said all that to excuse myself for behavior that I would otherwise feel guilty about. And millions of people in our society -especially women - feel guilty about behaving selfishly. Unfortunately, these same millions also feel guilty about be- having in a self-interested manner because they indiscriminately lump it with selfish.

So it seems that if we could behave selfishly without feeling guilty, we could more easily distinguish those more numerous times when we might behave from self-interest -and realistically make the same distinction made by Webster, known for his definitions and not for his rationalizations.

How, then, do we feel guilty? Guilt, which is different from feeling regretful or sorry about one's actions, arises from two sources. First, we define or judge some action as bad or wrong, and other actions as good or valued. This act of judgment or evaluation of actions plays an important and adaptive role in that it enables us to guide our behavior in order to maximize pleasure in life and minimize pain and punishment. If I never evaluated my actions, I probably would eventually, if not quickly, behave in ways that would have serious consequences for myself. Possibly I could get locked away for life or even killed. Not much pleasure comes from that.

Assuming I somehow restrained myself from criminal acts, if I quite often behaved in an ob- noxious socially disapproved manner, I would get few of the rewards and pleasures coming from social interactions. So this process of judging our acts has importance for us all. And from this process of judging derives the feeling of regret. If I judge some behavior as wrong, such as screaming at the neighbors, and I one day find myself screaming my lungs out at them, I would certainly not feel happy about it. I would feel sorry and regretful about my actions, but not guilty.

I would feel guilty only if I thought something more. To feel guilty, I would not only have to judge my actions but also simultaneously judge myself; my worth or value as a person.